the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
