Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
