I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
