really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
