I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
