she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
