So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
