hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
