Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
