He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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