my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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