Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
