So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's never too late to be topless.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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