you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize