I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
