I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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