Soap is not a condiment
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
