She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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