So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
