***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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