it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
