I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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