Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
