The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
