I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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