highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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