Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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