So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
