I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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