The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
