I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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