Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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