Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
