operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
