Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
