It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize