Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
