Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
