I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
