does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
