I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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