cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
