fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All the doctor said was why
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
