i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
