Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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