Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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