She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize