Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
