Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
