I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize