i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
accomplished twins. life is a go
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
