How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
