if i can run in heels then i can drive
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
