Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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