her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
