loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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