Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
