there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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