I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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