No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
