I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
