Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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