sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
