Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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