my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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