dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
