Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
