I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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