I am puke
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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