She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
