I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Panties = found
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
