this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
