My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize