I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
