Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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