I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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