she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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