We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
