Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
