the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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