two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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