Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
