So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
